If you read the ‘Best Endings’ list first, you’ll know I wrote that Goosebumps had a reputation for the twists that came up in their books. Some worked, even surprisingly well, and some… didn’t, to say the least. Now, unlike the best endings, not a lot of these are based on the works as a whole, mostly because Goosebumps gave us quite an amount of endings that were, well, yeah. *Long sigh* Here are ten of the more ridiculous endings that the original series gave us, some are personal and some are more deservedly on this list.
10: Vampire Breath
The Story: Two friends discover a hidden doorway in the main character's home by accident. Happens all the time. They follow the revealed tunnel to find a coffin and a bottle labeled ‘Vampire Breath’, which they obviously knock over and break, causing the vampire in said coffin to awaken. Realizing he doesn’t have his teeth, the vampire forces the kids to help him look for the bottle they opened, as we learn that the contents actually teleported him to the future from the past (Again, happens all the time when I drop bottles). After finding the bottle and opening it, the kids are accidentally taken back in time a well. Shenanigans ensue. Returning to their time, they learn the vampire is actually the main characters grandfather.
This twist is then followed with another twist where the two hide in a secret bathroom and knock something called ‘Werewolf Sweat’ onto themselves accidentally and growl. Ooh, because they turned into mummies, you see.
The Reason: The problem with this ending lies less-so in the ending itself and more with what came before. The book is probably one of the better written in the series, maybe even the best, and is quite enjoyable, so to get the ending we do is so out of nowhere compared to the rest of it. It makes little to no sense in terms of the writing and almost feels like someone other than the original writer came in and changed the last part without anyone knowing.
09: Horror At Camp Jellyjam
The Story: Kids are sent to a camp run by a group of weirdo councilors that focuses on sports. So. Many. Damn. Sports. Pretty much, kids are awarded a medal for each win and, once they win their sixth, are awarded by going on the “Winner’s Walk”, which they don’t return from. It is revealed that the winners are taken to work for “King Jellyjam”, a giant, gelatinous, purple creature, and that their job is to clean him because he cannot stand his own smell. He also sweats snails. Wonderful. Through some events, the creature ends up dying from its own smell, police show up, and the kids end up back home.
Once there, a few more uninteresting things happen until a sudden awful smell fills the house. It isn’t a monster, it’s just the mother’s cooking.
The Reason: Hurdy-hurr, mom be bad at cookin’. So funny. Hyuk-hyuk. F*** this on that stupid, sexist bull-crap alone.
The Story: Kids are sent to a camp run by a group of weirdo councilors that focuses on sports. So. Many. Damn. Sports. Pretty much, kids are awarded a medal for each win and, once they win their sixth, are awarded by going on the “Winner’s Walk”, which they don’t return from. It is revealed that the winners are taken to work for “King Jellyjam”, a giant, gelatinous, purple creature, and that their job is to clean him because he cannot stand his own smell. He also sweats snails. Wonderful. Through some events, the creature ends up dying from its own smell, police show up, and the kids end up back home.
Once there, a few more uninteresting things happen until a sudden awful smell fills the house. It isn’t a monster, it’s just the mother’s cooking.
The Reason: Hurdy-hurr, mom be bad at cookin’. So funny. Hyuk-hyuk. F*** this on that stupid, sexist bull-crap alone.
08: The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena
The Story: Two siblings dislike living in Pasadena because of the heat, and wish for a real winter they can enjoy. They slightly get their wish when their father takes them to Alaska, where he is asked to take photographs of a mysterious creature. The kids eventually stumble upon the Abominable Snowman encased in ice, but it breaks through and… steals their trail mix (just wait). After the creature escapes, the kids take their father back to the cave they originally found it, only to find the creature once again encased in ice, for some reason. The father, being a moron, decides to stick the creature in a giant trunk and take it home (this isn’t even, I- ugh, just wait).
At home, the kids show their friends a few snowballs they brought back with them. Throwing one at a tree causes it to become covered in snow, and the spot that that snow falls covers everything in snow. A girl is hit with a snowball. She turns completely into ice (I’ve said this enough, but just hold on a bit longer here, trust me). They try to thaw her by the oven. That doesn’t work. They take her to a furnace shed. I’m not sure what that is, but I know it doesn’t work. One of the siblings remembers that the creature was warm when it grabbed them, so they take the ice-girl to where the creature is, wave trail mix in its face, and it breaks out of the ice again.
Okay, here we go. The creature eats the trail mix, then notices the girl iced over. It picks her up in a hug, melting all the ice off of her. It runs outside and hugs the tree, making all the snow disappear onto the Abominable Snowman’s body. The creature lies down and rolls around on the snow-covered ground, causing all the snow to transfer onto its body. The creature now notices the sun, and, proceeding to look at it, runs screaming into the woods. Yada-yada-yada, the kids decide to bury the snowballs, father says there are only pictures of snow in any of the ones he took of the Abominable Snowman (OMG! SPOOKY), and the book ends with two tertiary characters in a parking lot about to throw the snowballs they found at each other.
The Reason: *Long inhale* Well. The fever-dream ridiculousness of the book aside, the twist of it happens to tertiary characters that you don’t care about, which is an odd choice. The ridiculousness of the book considered, it’s a roll-your-eyes stupid ending to something that turned weird and crazy in the last half and somehow kept amplifying that. I should say that weird and crazy isn’t a bad thing, but this is just so unbelievably dumb. What makes it worse is that the ending feels so limp compared to the stupid way the book got nuts. Or should I say, got trail mix! Haha. Ha. No.
Seriously, though, the book could have at least given us something more in line with what came before instead of such a boring idea.
The Story: Two siblings dislike living in Pasadena because of the heat, and wish for a real winter they can enjoy. They slightly get their wish when their father takes them to Alaska, where he is asked to take photographs of a mysterious creature. The kids eventually stumble upon the Abominable Snowman encased in ice, but it breaks through and… steals their trail mix (just wait). After the creature escapes, the kids take their father back to the cave they originally found it, only to find the creature once again encased in ice, for some reason. The father, being a moron, decides to stick the creature in a giant trunk and take it home (this isn’t even, I- ugh, just wait).
At home, the kids show their friends a few snowballs they brought back with them. Throwing one at a tree causes it to become covered in snow, and the spot that that snow falls covers everything in snow. A girl is hit with a snowball. She turns completely into ice (I’ve said this enough, but just hold on a bit longer here, trust me). They try to thaw her by the oven. That doesn’t work. They take her to a furnace shed. I’m not sure what that is, but I know it doesn’t work. One of the siblings remembers that the creature was warm when it grabbed them, so they take the ice-girl to where the creature is, wave trail mix in its face, and it breaks out of the ice again.
Okay, here we go. The creature eats the trail mix, then notices the girl iced over. It picks her up in a hug, melting all the ice off of her. It runs outside and hugs the tree, making all the snow disappear onto the Abominable Snowman’s body. The creature lies down and rolls around on the snow-covered ground, causing all the snow to transfer onto its body. The creature now notices the sun, and, proceeding to look at it, runs screaming into the woods. Yada-yada-yada, the kids decide to bury the snowballs, father says there are only pictures of snow in any of the ones he took of the Abominable Snowman (OMG! SPOOKY), and the book ends with two tertiary characters in a parking lot about to throw the snowballs they found at each other.
The Reason: *Long inhale* Well. The fever-dream ridiculousness of the book aside, the twist of it happens to tertiary characters that you don’t care about, which is an odd choice. The ridiculousness of the book considered, it’s a roll-your-eyes stupid ending to something that turned weird and crazy in the last half and somehow kept amplifying that. I should say that weird and crazy isn’t a bad thing, but this is just so unbelievably dumb. What makes it worse is that the ending feels so limp compared to the stupid way the book got nuts. Or should I say, got trail mix! Haha. Ha. No.
Seriously, though, the book could have at least given us something more in line with what came before instead of such a boring idea.
07: Go Eat Worms
The Story: Todd really, really likes worms. He’s even making a Worm House to enter into the science fair (surprise, surprise, it’s a wood house with worms), opposite his sister’s giant, paper-mâché bird (surprise, surprise, neither of these really have to do with science). Todd is eventually tricked by his sister to go into an abandoned mansion where he… finds a dead body and is chased by a spirit dog. This turns out to be a prank by his sister. Um. Okay.
Another boy, Patrick, also likes worms. He shows up at the science fair having built a worm skyscraper with a working elevator and what-not. It’s all very exciting. The judges are, for some reason, enamored by this, probably because it’s so ridiculous, and Todd gets mad at being ignored. Neither boy ends up winning, as the 1st prize instead goes to something involving balloons. Nothing of interest happens for a while, except worms start turning up where there previously were no worms, like Todd’s baseball cap, bed, food, etc. Again, all very exciting.
Eventually, Todd and a friend are attacked by a worm the size of a tree trunk, which is then scared away by the shadow cast by Todd’s sister’s paper-mâché bird. Todd abandons worms and starts a butterfly collection, only to have the book end with him waking up one day and a giant butterfly holding a giant pin, taking revenge on him. Because of course.
The Reason: Do you need an explanation? Sometimes writing out the twist is reason enough, and this isn’t the last time I’m going to use that excuse…
The Story: Todd really, really likes worms. He’s even making a Worm House to enter into the science fair (surprise, surprise, it’s a wood house with worms), opposite his sister’s giant, paper-mâché bird (surprise, surprise, neither of these really have to do with science). Todd is eventually tricked by his sister to go into an abandoned mansion where he… finds a dead body and is chased by a spirit dog. This turns out to be a prank by his sister. Um. Okay.
Another boy, Patrick, also likes worms. He shows up at the science fair having built a worm skyscraper with a working elevator and what-not. It’s all very exciting. The judges are, for some reason, enamored by this, probably because it’s so ridiculous, and Todd gets mad at being ignored. Neither boy ends up winning, as the 1st prize instead goes to something involving balloons. Nothing of interest happens for a while, except worms start turning up where there previously were no worms, like Todd’s baseball cap, bed, food, etc. Again, all very exciting.
Eventually, Todd and a friend are attacked by a worm the size of a tree trunk, which is then scared away by the shadow cast by Todd’s sister’s paper-mâché bird. Todd abandons worms and starts a butterfly collection, only to have the book end with him waking up one day and a giant butterfly holding a giant pin, taking revenge on him. Because of course.
The Reason: Do you need an explanation? Sometimes writing out the twist is reason enough, and this isn’t the last time I’m going to use that excuse…
06: My Best Friend Is Invisible
The Story: Sammy is a fan of science-fiction. His parents are scientists, and his younger brother is also growing up to be one. So Sammy is obviously the reject of the family, because that’s how families go in stories like these. As we move along, he experiences weird occurrences and is convinced he is dealing with a ghost. Some of the examples of what convince him are the fact that his cat doesn’t spend a night in his room, since cats always keep to routine, and the fact that his cereal disappears, eaten right out from under him. Sammy is a long sufferer of the Goosebumps trope ‘Jumping-to-conclusions-itis.’
Eventually he finds out that it isn’t a ghost, but an invisible boy named Brent. He really wants to be Sammy’s friend. Brent turns out to be kind of a jerk, ruining various activities before Sammy gets him to leave. Sammy and a friend (not invisible or cereal stealing. Maybe) go to a haunted house where they end up going through the casual activity of almost being murdered by ghosts before escaping. At home, Brent reveals that he was behind the house attack (dun-dun-DUNNNNN), and he refuses to GTFO.
Sammy’s parents surprise him with the fact that they are taking him to be checked up on in a mental institution, considering how the last few days have gone. Sammy grabs a magic flashlight (don’t ask), and uses it to reveal Brent to everyone, who is a monster! (dun-dun-DU There’s more. It’s not done being stupid). Brent’s mom made him invisible so he could make friends easier since he’s a monster. He’s describe as having one head, two ey— f*** it, he’s a human. The other characters are monsters, humans are endangered and they live in a zoo, so the family calls for others to come pick Brent up.
The Reason: There are a couple of “OMG- the monster is actually Hu-Man!” twists in the series, but the added randomness of a zoo… and that the twist just makes no sense as a whole. I am glad to see that cats are still common, though, and were also accepted by monsters as their furry, sleepy overlords, like we have.
The Story: Sammy is a fan of science-fiction. His parents are scientists, and his younger brother is also growing up to be one. So Sammy is obviously the reject of the family, because that’s how families go in stories like these. As we move along, he experiences weird occurrences and is convinced he is dealing with a ghost. Some of the examples of what convince him are the fact that his cat doesn’t spend a night in his room, since cats always keep to routine, and the fact that his cereal disappears, eaten right out from under him. Sammy is a long sufferer of the Goosebumps trope ‘Jumping-to-conclusions-itis.’
Eventually he finds out that it isn’t a ghost, but an invisible boy named Brent. He really wants to be Sammy’s friend. Brent turns out to be kind of a jerk, ruining various activities before Sammy gets him to leave. Sammy and a friend (not invisible or cereal stealing. Maybe) go to a haunted house where they end up going through the casual activity of almost being murdered by ghosts before escaping. At home, Brent reveals that he was behind the house attack (dun-dun-DUNNNNN), and he refuses to GTFO.
Sammy’s parents surprise him with the fact that they are taking him to be checked up on in a mental institution, considering how the last few days have gone. Sammy grabs a magic flashlight (don’t ask), and uses it to reveal Brent to everyone, who is a monster! (dun-dun-DU There’s more. It’s not done being stupid). Brent’s mom made him invisible so he could make friends easier since he’s a monster. He’s describe as having one head, two ey— f*** it, he’s a human. The other characters are monsters, humans are endangered and they live in a zoo, so the family calls for others to come pick Brent up.
The Reason: There are a couple of “OMG- the monster is actually Hu-Man!” twists in the series, but the added randomness of a zoo… and that the twist just makes no sense as a whole. I am glad to see that cats are still common, though, and were also accepted by monsters as their furry, sleepy overlords, like we have.
05: The Blob That Ate Everyone
The Story: Main character Zackie likes to write stories that include him and his best friend, Alex (that’s a girl, Alex). Before I can make a joke about it being creepy, Tumblr-esque, self-insert ship-err, stories, they’re attacked by a blob. But it’s just a story Zackie’s telling! And I was just hoping the story ended quick (good work, me, that’s quite a zinger). Another friend makes a deal about never getting scared, only to get spooked by a cat. As these things go, Zackie finds a typewriter in an abandoned mall that was hit by lightning. They are interrupted by a woman, Zackie asks for the typrewriter, and the woman also gives him a pen. At home, the typewriter gives off a blue light.
As the story continues, we find out that whatever Zackie types comes true. Since Zackie is an absolute genius, he eventually writes about a blob monster attacking town, and then following him home. On his way back home on his bike, he falls, because he wrote into the story that he fell off of his bike. Again, genius. The blob ends up eating the typewriter, since it’s high in iron (I don’t care if the joke is stupid or doesn’t make sense, falls pretty good in line with ol’ Zackster). Zack is about to use the pen, thinking it may have the same power as the typewriter, but the blob eats that, too.
Zackie remembers that, earlier in the story, spooked-by-cat friend of his tried to use the typewriter but it didn’t work. Maybe Zackie has the power in him! (Insert Snaps’ I’ve Got The Power song or Captain Planet’s ‘The power is yours’ as a joke) Thinking hard, Zackie makes the blob disappear, and he celebrates with his friends. A blob shows the story he wrote, the book itself, to a blob friend. The blob friend says that it’s good, but sad at the end. Writer-blob changes the ending so the story-blob eats the kids.
The Reason: Another “Hu-mans ain’t the main characters, really, yo!” with the added benefit of this story being written by a blob. It’s lazy, along with the ridiculous aspect. The way the story ends before the twist/ending doesn’t help either. Also, way to conform, writer-Blob. Geez, come on.
The Story: Main character Zackie likes to write stories that include him and his best friend, Alex (that’s a girl, Alex). Before I can make a joke about it being creepy, Tumblr-esque, self-insert ship-err, stories, they’re attacked by a blob. But it’s just a story Zackie’s telling! And I was just hoping the story ended quick (good work, me, that’s quite a zinger). Another friend makes a deal about never getting scared, only to get spooked by a cat. As these things go, Zackie finds a typewriter in an abandoned mall that was hit by lightning. They are interrupted by a woman, Zackie asks for the typrewriter, and the woman also gives him a pen. At home, the typewriter gives off a blue light.
As the story continues, we find out that whatever Zackie types comes true. Since Zackie is an absolute genius, he eventually writes about a blob monster attacking town, and then following him home. On his way back home on his bike, he falls, because he wrote into the story that he fell off of his bike. Again, genius. The blob ends up eating the typewriter, since it’s high in iron (I don’t care if the joke is stupid or doesn’t make sense, falls pretty good in line with ol’ Zackster). Zack is about to use the pen, thinking it may have the same power as the typewriter, but the blob eats that, too.
Zackie remembers that, earlier in the story, spooked-by-cat friend of his tried to use the typewriter but it didn’t work. Maybe Zackie has the power in him! (Insert Snaps’ I’ve Got The Power song or Captain Planet’s ‘The power is yours’ as a joke) Thinking hard, Zackie makes the blob disappear, and he celebrates with his friends. A blob shows the story he wrote, the book itself, to a blob friend. The blob friend says that it’s good, but sad at the end. Writer-blob changes the ending so the story-blob eats the kids.
The Reason: Another “Hu-mans ain’t the main characters, really, yo!” with the added benefit of this story being written by a blob. It’s lazy, along with the ridiculous aspect. The way the story ends before the twist/ending doesn’t help either. Also, way to conform, writer-Blob. Geez, come on.
04: Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes
The Story: Augh, okay. The main character, Joe, is friends with the boy next door. Each boy’s fathers are in a head-to-head rivalry about produce they grow in their gardens. Joe’s dad ends up buying lawn gnomes and, lo-and-behold, they end up being alive and mischievous. They start wrecking gardens. Kids fight gnomes. Gnomes tell kids that they will leave if they can help rescue their six friends. Turns out it’s more in the vicinity of six-hundred. Gnomes come alive and fight with kids, which include tickling. Joe remembers the gnomes are scared of dogs, so he blows a dog whistle to call his, but it turns out the dog whistle is what the gnomes hate. They freeze back up to their normal state when they hear it.
Joe’s dad is sad that the gnomes he owned disappeared, but he makes up for it by coming home one day with an eight-foot tall, plaster lawn gorilla. The lawn gorilla winks.
The Reason: Lawn gorilla. Lawn gorilla.
You guys.
Lawn gorilla.
The Scarecrow Walks At Midnight had a similar ending with a giant stuffed bear coming to life and that actually made some semblance of sense there, since magic was involved. It wasn’t a winking lawn gorilla.
Lawn gorilla.
The Story: Augh, okay. The main character, Joe, is friends with the boy next door. Each boy’s fathers are in a head-to-head rivalry about produce they grow in their gardens. Joe’s dad ends up buying lawn gnomes and, lo-and-behold, they end up being alive and mischievous. They start wrecking gardens. Kids fight gnomes. Gnomes tell kids that they will leave if they can help rescue their six friends. Turns out it’s more in the vicinity of six-hundred. Gnomes come alive and fight with kids, which include tickling. Joe remembers the gnomes are scared of dogs, so he blows a dog whistle to call his, but it turns out the dog whistle is what the gnomes hate. They freeze back up to their normal state when they hear it.
Joe’s dad is sad that the gnomes he owned disappeared, but he makes up for it by coming home one day with an eight-foot tall, plaster lawn gorilla. The lawn gorilla winks.
The Reason: Lawn gorilla. Lawn gorilla.
You guys.
Lawn gorilla.
The Scarecrow Walks At Midnight had a similar ending with a giant stuffed bear coming to life and that actually made some semblance of sense there, since magic was involved. It wasn’t a winking lawn gorilla.
Lawn gorilla.
03: My Hairiest Adventure
The Story: I know I started the previous entry this way, but it’s very apt so I’m just going to repost it here; Augh, okay. Dogs love chasing Larry. They always chase Larry. I need a minute, trust me.
Okay, I’m back. Larry and his friends are practicing for a ‘Battle of the Bands’ contest. A lot of uninteresting things happen until they decide to go through a neighbour’s trash, where they find a medicine cabinet and something called Insta-tan. This might not sound interesting, but the characters sure do find it exciting! Needless to say, the lotion doesn’t give them a tan, as we are instead treated to kids growing hair in places where there was no hair. I’m not going to make obvious jokes.
They end up meeting a doctor, as Larry whines and the doctor pats his head. There’s a lot of hair growth following this. Hair growth and shaving. Such wacky shenanigans. Anyways, as this keeps going, Larry ends up fully transforming into a dog at the Battle of the Bands, and he runs home, horrified, where—
-- his father tells him he’s a dog. Turns out the doctor found a way to turn dogs into children and has just been passing them off to employees. The kids were given shots to keep them human, but, after years, it is seeming to wear off. Everyone in town also works for the doctor, who now decides he will stop with the whole dogs-to-children thing. Yup.
The Reason: -- his father tells him he’s a dog. Turns out the doctor found a way to turn dogs into children and has just been passing them off to employees. The kids were given shots to keep them human, but, after years, it is seeming to wear off. Everyone in town also works for the doctor, who now decides he will stop with the whole dogs-to-children thing. Yup.
They’re dogs.
The Story: I know I started the previous entry this way, but it’s very apt so I’m just going to repost it here; Augh, okay. Dogs love chasing Larry. They always chase Larry. I need a minute, trust me.
Okay, I’m back. Larry and his friends are practicing for a ‘Battle of the Bands’ contest. A lot of uninteresting things happen until they decide to go through a neighbour’s trash, where they find a medicine cabinet and something called Insta-tan. This might not sound interesting, but the characters sure do find it exciting! Needless to say, the lotion doesn’t give them a tan, as we are instead treated to kids growing hair in places where there was no hair. I’m not going to make obvious jokes.
They end up meeting a doctor, as Larry whines and the doctor pats his head. There’s a lot of hair growth following this. Hair growth and shaving. Such wacky shenanigans. Anyways, as this keeps going, Larry ends up fully transforming into a dog at the Battle of the Bands, and he runs home, horrified, where—
-- his father tells him he’s a dog. Turns out the doctor found a way to turn dogs into children and has just been passing them off to employees. The kids were given shots to keep them human, but, after years, it is seeming to wear off. Everyone in town also works for the doctor, who now decides he will stop with the whole dogs-to-children thing. Yup.
The Reason: -- his father tells him he’s a dog. Turns out the doctor found a way to turn dogs into children and has just been passing them off to employees. The kids were given shots to keep them human, but, after years, it is seeming to wear off. Everyone in town also works for the doctor, who now decides he will stop with the whole dogs-to-children thing. Yup.
They’re dogs.
02: Attack of the Jack O’Lanterns
The Story: Drew really loves Halloween. I don’t know if she loves it like Todd loved worms, but it’s probably a lot less creepy. There are five characters in the book, and the first five chapters are also dedicated to flashbacks. This is another book where things are either ridiculous, or not a whole lot happens, so excuse me over the fact that I’ve tried to blaze through a few of these. There’s a weird scene where two high school kids play a prank on ten-year-olds by breaking in wearing masks and acting like they are taking them hostage. Um. Things get worse for the reader when we find out that the first eight chapters are are actually flashbacking to, essentially, nothing, and then we are given a full chapter involving a daydream.
So, to break it down, half the book means nothing in the long run.
To try my best to condense this entire thing, the kids want revenge on the other kids. As they go trick or treating with them, they are met by pumpkin-headed folk, who demand that they trick or treat for them, as long as they can. The pumpkin-buddies end up forcing the kids to eat candy until they get sick, then get them back to trick or treating in a neighbourhood filled with other folks that have pumpkin heads. Finally, the kids decide to tell off the pumpkin-heads that don’t have anything to do with the movie Pumpkinhead, asking what will happen if they refuse to trick or treat any more. The pumpkin-gang shows them four pumpkins and say that those will be the kid’s new heads. The pumpkin-overlords attack, and the two jerk kids scream and run away.
Okay. I’m going to bounce back a bit, but just stay with me here. The main characters have two friends that are twins. The two pumpkin-dork’s heads morph back into the human heads of the twin friends as all of them laugh. Drew says that it’s easy to scare people when your friends are from outer space. The friends thank the twins for their help.
The twins give their treats to Drew and her other friend. Drew, only now conveniently thinking about it, realizes that she has never seen his two alien buds eat. She asks what they do for food, and one of them responds that Drew has nothing to worry about, as she’s too bony, and they prefer more meat on their humans.
The Reason: You get two twists in one book! Not only that, but both of them are so, so stupid. They are lazy repeats of the kind of easy twists you would expect. They both make you slap your head hard enough to forget what the damn book is about. Just kidding, you’ll probably forget in a few days, anyway.
The Story: Drew really loves Halloween. I don’t know if she loves it like Todd loved worms, but it’s probably a lot less creepy. There are five characters in the book, and the first five chapters are also dedicated to flashbacks. This is another book where things are either ridiculous, or not a whole lot happens, so excuse me over the fact that I’ve tried to blaze through a few of these. There’s a weird scene where two high school kids play a prank on ten-year-olds by breaking in wearing masks and acting like they are taking them hostage. Um. Things get worse for the reader when we find out that the first eight chapters are are actually flashbacking to, essentially, nothing, and then we are given a full chapter involving a daydream.
So, to break it down, half the book means nothing in the long run.
To try my best to condense this entire thing, the kids want revenge on the other kids. As they go trick or treating with them, they are met by pumpkin-headed folk, who demand that they trick or treat for them, as long as they can. The pumpkin-buddies end up forcing the kids to eat candy until they get sick, then get them back to trick or treating in a neighbourhood filled with other folks that have pumpkin heads. Finally, the kids decide to tell off the pumpkin-heads that don’t have anything to do with the movie Pumpkinhead, asking what will happen if they refuse to trick or treat any more. The pumpkin-gang shows them four pumpkins and say that those will be the kid’s new heads. The pumpkin-overlords attack, and the two jerk kids scream and run away.
Okay. I’m going to bounce back a bit, but just stay with me here. The main characters have two friends that are twins. The two pumpkin-dork’s heads morph back into the human heads of the twin friends as all of them laugh. Drew says that it’s easy to scare people when your friends are from outer space. The friends thank the twins for their help.
The twins give their treats to Drew and her other friend. Drew, only now conveniently thinking about it, realizes that she has never seen his two alien buds eat. She asks what they do for food, and one of them responds that Drew has nothing to worry about, as she’s too bony, and they prefer more meat on their humans.
The Reason: You get two twists in one book! Not only that, but both of them are so, so stupid. They are lazy repeats of the kind of easy twists you would expect. They both make you slap your head hard enough to forget what the damn book is about. Just kidding, you’ll probably forget in a few days, anyway.
01: Chicken Chicken
The Story: There’s a bit for me to say here, but also not anything I really want to waste my time on so bear with me.
- Crystal and her brother, Cole, live in a small town, on a farm.
- A woman named Vanessa lives in the town. She dresses in all black. She is also described as weird.
- The kids pour water into Vanessa mailbox. This is apparently considered a prank.
- At some point, they accidentally knock Vanessa over, causing her grocery bags to rip.
- The better chunk of the book is dedicated to the two kids horrifically morphing into chickens, after they hear Vanessa whisper ‘chicken, chicken’. They grow beaks, feathers, claws, and all of it is grotesque. Not in a way that you expect from, say, a horror novel or film, more in an uneasy sort. It’s needless.
- They go to apologize to Vanessa, finding a book called Chicken Chicken Chicken. They think it’s to help them, but it’s a cookbook. Returning, they find an actual magic spell book that turn them into giant chickens, then chicks.
- Vanessa returns, they apologize, she reverses the spell that was made to teach them a lesson in manners.
- As the three hang out and drink soda, Cole burps, and Vanessa whispers “pig, pig.”
- I then swear a lot.
The Reason: Okay, there’s some story here as to why it’s my number one. Not really, but I needed a decent enough intro line. Attack of the Jack O’Lanterns may honestly be the most eye-rolling bit of a twist, with its double ending crap, but Chicken Chicken is a personal choice. The entire book is awful, and not just in a badly written way. It’s incredibly mean spirited and not a pleasant experience, as I made clear above. It’s simply 100+ pages of two kids being tortured that ends with a twist that does more to make you angry and tear the book apart than anything else. Spoiler-alert, for if I ever do a list consisting of it, but Chicken Chicken is the worst book in the series, based purely on these exact same reasons. Screw this book.
The Story: There’s a bit for me to say here, but also not anything I really want to waste my time on so bear with me.
- Crystal and her brother, Cole, live in a small town, on a farm.
- A woman named Vanessa lives in the town. She dresses in all black. She is also described as weird.
- The kids pour water into Vanessa mailbox. This is apparently considered a prank.
- At some point, they accidentally knock Vanessa over, causing her grocery bags to rip.
- The better chunk of the book is dedicated to the two kids horrifically morphing into chickens, after they hear Vanessa whisper ‘chicken, chicken’. They grow beaks, feathers, claws, and all of it is grotesque. Not in a way that you expect from, say, a horror novel or film, more in an uneasy sort. It’s needless.
- They go to apologize to Vanessa, finding a book called Chicken Chicken Chicken. They think it’s to help them, but it’s a cookbook. Returning, they find an actual magic spell book that turn them into giant chickens, then chicks.
- Vanessa returns, they apologize, she reverses the spell that was made to teach them a lesson in manners.
- As the three hang out and drink soda, Cole burps, and Vanessa whispers “pig, pig.”
- I then swear a lot.
The Reason: Okay, there’s some story here as to why it’s my number one. Not really, but I needed a decent enough intro line. Attack of the Jack O’Lanterns may honestly be the most eye-rolling bit of a twist, with its double ending crap, but Chicken Chicken is a personal choice. The entire book is awful, and not just in a badly written way. It’s incredibly mean spirited and not a pleasant experience, as I made clear above. It’s simply 100+ pages of two kids being tortured that ends with a twist that does more to make you angry and tear the book apart than anything else. Spoiler-alert, for if I ever do a list consisting of it, but Chicken Chicken is the worst book in the series, based purely on these exact same reasons. Screw this book.
January 02, 2014 at 07:39 am /
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January 18, 2014 at 13:29 am /
Hi There,
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January 22, 2014 at 03:19 am /
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