• Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
• Written by: Milton Subotsky
• Release Date: March 16, 1973
• 83 Minutes

Wraparound
     A group stuck in a lif
     Eh. I tried hard to really think of interesting things to say about it, but unfortunately, after Asylum, it’s kind of a let-down.

Midnight Mess

     After finding his sister in an odd town and having a slight conflict with her involving family inheritance, Harold Rogers treats himself to a meal at a local restaurant that may make a treat of him...
    Going back to five stories in this film helped this one out tremendously, as it’s the kind that needs to be set up, paid off, then moved on from. I think if it had been dragged out for longer it would have been met with a roll of the eyes. How is it as it is now? Ok. I feel bad about this but that’s kind of all I can think of saying. There is one specific change I think would have made me enjoy it all the more-- spoiler alert for the story here but I wish it had been indicated that the sister had set up the lead here and he didn’t just accidentally stumble into his end.
     I can’t write this story off completely though because of that final shot. Absolutely inspired and macabre, a tried-and-true work of art.

The Neat Job

     Arthur Critchit (Terry-Thomas) is a bit obsessively neat and his poor wife Eleanor (Glynis Johns), who isn't quite up to his standards, bears the brunt of his words for a bit too long...
     I know that there’s only the two of them here, but this is absolutely the Terry-Thomas and Glynis Johns show. Terry-Thomas is great with the way his personality builds from being someone who likes it neat to being verbally and mentally abusive. It helps that he’s working against a perfectly adorable Glynis Johns, who you easily cannot help but feel sorry for. She does her best, works hard to keep her husband – who she genuinely loves- happy, and tries to meet him on his needs even while he’s yelling in her face about check marks and lists in a cupboard.
     Of course, all of this leads to a gloriously grotesque and hilarious ending, one that ranks pretty high on my personal list of favourites in its execution and how much it did genuinely make me crack up. It’s a wonderfully cheeky way to end this story and it kind of makes me wish that the movie had started with this segment instead of Midnight Mess, since I feel like this one is more of a successful hit all-around than that one.

This Trick’ll Kill You

     On a vacation to India, a magician and his wife come across a girl who seems to have a trick that they would die to have...
     Hey, white man mistreating other culture! Getting some Dr. Terror’s flashbacks here, though the fact that murder ends up being involved here is a bit more serious than ol’ Biff Bailey’s dilemma.
     Probably the story out of this five that is most satisfying in terms of people getting their comeuppance, Curd Jurgens and Dawn Addams are great as a couple that seem to turn to murder without much of a thought or breaking of sweat for the sake of making money. Not even that, the possibility of making money.
     This Trick’ll Kill You is satisfying enough, a story that ends up throwing in a surprise that I absolutely did not expect regarding the fate of one of the characters and ends up being one of the more well-rounded stories in the whole film. I don’t know if there’s really anything negative I have to say about it, but I do find myself forgetting about it until I rewatch Vault of Horror and go “oh yeah, this one.”
    I do have to say, fantastic final shot of Curd Jurgens in this. Just masterfully realized and thought out. Love that shot.

Bargain in Death

     Maitland and his buddy Alex think up of an insurance scam that involves Maitland being buried alive. Of course, nothing could possibly go wrong...
     Kids, don’t try to pull insurance scams where you have to be buried alive if you don’t 100%, whole-heartedly trust the person that you are working with. Better yet, don’t rely on a single person. Come on.
     As for the segment? It’s alright. Everyone in need of a comeuppance gets one (though I laughed out loud over the fact that one character absolutely did not need to be driving by the location that they are in when they get into an accident) and the story ends in a funny twisty way. It’s ok. Not terrible, doesn’t drag out so it feels endless, quick and to the point but doesn’t leave a lasting impression in the same way as other good segments generally do. Still enjoyable whilst viewing, though, and holds the best piece of dialogue in the whole movie.

Drawn and Quartered

     Living in Haiti, poor painter Moore is bestowed with some voodoo power that he uses to deal with some art dealers that claimed his work worthless, though he may not be as careful as he should be.
     I may have jumped on the “white guy in different culture” thing a little early but hey! There’s voodoo here so I can still make another tie back to Dr. Terror!
     Drawn and Quartered quite easily battles with The Neat Job as being the best segment in this film, though both benefit from the fact that they are wildly different from each other. There’s a slow build here that does a great job laying out the conflict, held up well by Tom Baker’s really good performance as the vengeful artist.
     Honestly, this segment could have done well being in a film with only four stories in it, since I wish there was a bit more runtime dedicated to it so it breathed a bit. There isn’t anything necessarily wrong here, but I think it would have been great seeing Baker slowly fall apart more and more, chipping away at his mentality as he continues to paint and work out his revenge, all of which are already effective here anyway (I definitely did not expect the sequence involving hands. Holy moly).
     Of course, all of this works its way to the expected twist ending which… isn’t really a twist. The set-up for the ending is there from the beginning. You know what’s going to come. I mean, the man is doing a self-portrait, come on. Still, they do a fantastic job building the suspense to how everything does get to its finale and, once we are there, it ends up hitting as effectively as Baker’s slow revenge sequences.
     It’s a great choice for the final segment in the film and the more I think back on it the more I wish this was a bit longer. I think it could be built into a really good 30–40-minute episode of a series.

Wraparound finale
     While I’m indifferent and disappointed in the wrap-around segment and the ending in this film, I do have to say that having Curd Jurgens be the one to explain it to us was the best possible choice.

     Vault of Horror finds itself in kind of an odd predicament when it comes to the Amicus portmanteau films and its line-up. Stepping back and looking at it, it’s not that bad at all. It’s pretty well-rounded as a whole, it has some enjoyable segments, a few very good performances, some good camp and good seriousness where necessary, and yet… there’s just something missing, a bit of oomph that really gives it a pop. I think it can be well summed up on its blu-ray release, where Shout Factory’s subsidiary Scream Factory released it as a two pack with Tales From the Crypt, and it ends up feeling like a bit of a let-down after viewing that one.
     But there’s nothing necessarily awful here, simply a case that some of these stories may not hold in your memory with the same level of excitement as the stories in some of the other films.